Monday, November 12, 2007

The types of strip club patrons:

Cocky, broke college guys
These are the types who come in with their friends for the “scenery” but don’t have any respect for industry ettiquette or the dancers. They talk about themselves incessantly—mostly lies about how much money they make or how great their academic careers are. They expect you to pay lots of attention to them but usually refuse to tip and get indignant about being “hustled”. They seem bothered when you don’t want to sit with them all night for free and listen to them spew self-important bull shit. They go to strip clubs to feel like “men” and carrouse with their buddies. Usually painfully mediocre and unintelligent, they have to masturbate their egos by innanely trying to prove to themselves how much smarter and better they are than “some stripper”. They try to make us feel like ambitionless sluts with no self-worth who they are privilaging with their attention in order to make themselves feel better. They will try impotently to be clever get inside our heads and figure out what motivates us to do what we do—assuming they can expose our psyche in some devastating way. They also sit there with a hard-on all night underneath their Abercrombie jeans but claim they aren’t buying private dances because “it’s just a tease”—when really the reason is they only have fifteen dollars in their bank account. These guys will end up marrying TRULY ambitionless whores who will blow all of their money and become frigid in a matter of 20 years, then they will come crawling back to strip clubs throwing money at any woman who will so much as cast a glance at their pitifal little erection.

The delusional saps
This can be a guy from any socio-economic background. These guys actually think there’s a chance you’re going to go out with them. They give you their number. They think that they’re going to be the one to “save you”. Occasionally these guys are sweet and well meaning. They can also be great customers… respectful, interested in hearing YOU say something, generous and probably genuinely interested in dating you, yet not pushy about it. They can also be obnoxious as hell. They will follow you around all night, refuse to buy dances because they “respect you too much” or don’t want you to “think of them as a customer”, badger you relentlessly about going out with them, and generally get in the way when you’re trying to interact with other customers. They waste lots of time. When you explain that you’re working and need to keep moving, they go off about how they have more money than any guy in the room, on and on and get offended when you politely excuse yourself. These guys are the reason door guys walk us to our cars. One of these guys unfortunately works at the store where I buy my art supplies, and makes a point to seek me out everytime I shop there. I’m not worried about him kidnapping and raping me, but he’s definitely annoying.

Middle aged men with jobs
These are my absolute favorite customers. These guys understand and respect the relationship between dancer/customer… they offer to buy us overpriced drinks just to be gentlemen, buy lots of dances, tip very well and are a relief from the average patron. They are relatively interesting, educated and polite. They don’t brag or talk down to you. I strive to seek these guys out when I’m working. They usually sit alone, and for some reason, are neglected by the other dancers, who seem to gravitate towards large groups of guys. Groups of guys at strip clubs don’t have any money. The older guys who come in by themselves generally come in with a wallet full of cash that they intend to spend, not to compare cocks with their buddies. But more than being a great source income, they are usually a pleasure to sit and talk to. I try to make as many of these guys regulars as I can—sometimes I even buy them drinks. If it weren’t for this type, dancers wouldn’t make money, and it wouldn’t be a fun job.

The awkward guys
These guys come in a variety of types, but they’re lonely and unsuccessful with women for one reason or another. They will come in regularly and blow their entire paychecks to get a female to pay attention to them. These guys make me sad. They need someone to be nice to them. Sometimes they will buy dances just to sit and talk to you. They are also great customers—usually very nice and very generous. These guys aren’t as interested in the sexual aspect as they are the attention. They think that a stripper is as close to a girlfriend as they’re going to get.

The perverts
These guys range from amusing to disgusting. The disgustings guys I avoid… these men have no respect for women in general. They make crude comments and try to push boundaries. They’re usually looking for “more” than a dance. I have kicked these men with my 6 inch stilettos, but I can peg them fast enough to avoid now. The others are ok… they’re usually old men. They ask to buy your underwear and such and are generally harmless.